


In Midwest Motel Rooms

by Marasa



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling, Disassociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Motel, Pining, RAB - Freeform, Regional At Best Era, Van Days, regional at best, touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 22:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12898149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marasa/pseuds/Marasa
Summary: They had cuddled before in the back of the van or in empty parking lots but this was so much different. Josh feels like he is unraveling here in Tyler’s arms.Tyler tries to keep him together.





	In Midwest Motel Rooms

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a sequel to 'Keep Watch' but you don't have to read that one before this, so no worries

They manage to get a motel room.

Each of their moms yell at them for thirty minutes on the phone about being reckless and irresponsible. They sit through it quietly because at the end of it all, they end up wiring them a five hundred dollars each.

Some of it goes toward a good dinner at a roadside diner, some of it goes toward some Red Bulls and snacks, but most importantly, they put some of it toward a motel.

Tyler lays down on the bed with his arms outstretched, moving his arms back and forth like he's making a snow angel.

“A real bed!” Tyler exclaims to the ceiling. After so long sleeping in the back of a van, he's beyond happy to be laying down on an actual bed with a comforter and sheets and everything.

There’s no funny response to his reaction, no laugh or exclamation of agreement. The silence is unfit for one of the only majorly great events in this shitty tour.

Tyler sits up to see Josh standing by the closed door of the motel room like a stranger.

Josh kind of looks out of it, has been all night, like he doesn't know where he is. He blinks hard, looks around the room slowly, timid, scared.

“It's not bad, right? Not a complete shithole anyway,” Tyler says, smiling as he gets off the bed. Josh blinks, looks at him like he's trying to process what he's just said even though he was listening.

“Y-...Yes...yes, okay.”

Josh scrunches up his face like he doesn't know if that's the right answer.

His reaction brings Tyler to worry a little, considering how much quieter than normal Josh had been today. More restless too if his bleeding fingernails are anything to go by.

“Well, we should get in bed now so we can enjoy an actual mattress while we have one.” Tyler moves past Josh, who is staring at the wall, and picks up his backpack. “I'm gonna get my pajamas on and we can chill.”

Tyler is already done brushing his teeth, washing his face and is beginning to put his pajamas on when he notices Josh hasn't moved at all.

The drummer sits at the end of the single bed in the room, looking down at the ground. The hood of his hoodie is atop his head, obstructing his face. His face is covered in shadow.

“Josh, you gonna put on your pajamas?”

Tyler waits for him to move, acknowledge him, _something_ , but Josh is a statue, completely frozen and absent.

“Josh?”

No answer.

“Josh,” Tyler tries again as he slips on a sleep shirt.

Josh doesn't move a muscle.

Tyler frowns and comes around in front of him. When Josh doesn't look up, Tyler kneels down in front of him on the floor.

Josh’s eyes are glazed over, exhaustion and anxiety rendering his usually bright brown eyes completely hazy.

Tyler had seen this happen once before, back when they had first left home. It was stressful for the both of them to go on a tour when they had never left Ohio in their entire lives.

While Tyler got more jittery and shaky the farther they had gotten from home, Josh had completely turned off.

It was as if he was unconscious when he was perfectly awake. Tyler had thought it was a joke at first when he had one-sided conversations with Josh and was nudging and pushing at him with no reaction at all.

And then Tyler had gotten nervous.

He had never seen anyone act like that before. It was scary to see Josh so lifeless in the van for about forty-five minutes. When Josh had come to, he said not to worry about it, he had just zoned out for a bit, he was stupid, stupid, stupid- it was fine.

Now it's happening all over again.

Tyler places his hands on Josh’s knees, thumbs rubbing circles into his kneecaps.

“Josh, hey,” Tyler says gently, softly, “can you look at me, please?”

Josh doesn't. He’s completely out of if, half-asleep even though his eyes are open.

Tyler gently rubs up and down his thighs with his palms.

“I'm right here, Josh, I'm right here when you get back. I'm waiting for you, try to come back, Josh. I'm right here, I'm waiting for you.”

The muscles of Josh’s thighs under his hands twitch. Josh actually blinks a little. He shifts ever so slightly, like he's trying to wake himself up.

“There you go, good boy,” Tyler says. “Come back to me, Joshua. I'm right here.”

Josh raises his head as he looks more awake. He shakes his head, blinks.

“Shit, s-sorry,” is his slurred response.

“Are you okay?”

Josh sucks in a shaky breath and gives a single nod that isn't very convincing.

Tyler remains kneeling, hands not stopping their path on the other’s thighs as he asks, “Josh, what's going on?”

Josh sniffles dryly, shrugs.

“Tired,” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact. “S-Stressed...I don't know. Just zoned out. ‘s nothing.”

Tyler tries to search his face for any clue of what's really bothering him but he doesn't give anything away. He's tired, sure, they all are. Stressed too.

But there's something else that has him looking upset, something he doesn't dare to admit.

Tyler doesn't push it even though he knows he should.

“Let's lay down and get some rest, alright?” Tyler says. “You'll feel better in the morning; you just need rest.”

Tyler helps Josh stand from the bed when he makes no move to get up and then releases him so Josh can take off his pants. The tight denim is slowly peeled away with weak hands and as Josh tries to kick them off his ankles, he begins to fall over.

Tyler is there to catch him. Always.

“Easy, Jish,” Tyler laughs lightly. Josh only hums.

He keeps his shirt on, too tired to even consider taking it off. He sways on his feet almost as if he'll fall again.

“When's the last time you slept?” Tyler asks as he helps Josh sit back down on the bed, the side instead of the foot this time.

“Night…” Josh murmurs deliriously. “Every night. I- I sleep every-, I- I-”

“Shh, Josh,” Tyler hushes his rambling. “I mean good sleep. Deep sleep.”

Josh is quiet. His shoulders are tight and raised. His face looks pained and uncomfortable. Tyler knows the answer to his question is at least one week.

“Well we have a bed tonight, so you'll be sleeping in style, Josh,” Tyler says with a smile.

Josh doesn't smile.

He looks miserable.

He’s so quiet and distressed as he's trapped deep in his own head. Tyler hates that far away look in his eyes because he doesn't want Josh to be fighting those bad thoughts alone.

Tyler wants to keep Josh safe. He’s the one who drug him into this mess anyway. Poor Josh is just a causality of his stupid hopeful heart and a dream that will never happen.

Tyler feels like shit.

“Let's lay down, Josh,” Tyler whispers. “Everything’s alright.”

Josh slides clumsily under the covers and Tyler slides in right beside him. They're facing each other, soft sheets surprisingly smelling of detergent under them.

Josh blinks hopefully at him for a few moments like he wants something, _needs_ something, but then returns to his pitiful, exhausted expression, looking down at the sheets.

Tyler maneuvers himself closer. “Josh…”

He chances a hand on his cheek when he avoids eye contact and is astounded to see the enthusiasm in which Josh leans into his palm, chasing the touch. His eyes fall closed, he looks the slightest bit comfortable but just for the second Tyler has his hand on his cheek.

“Shh,” Tyler eases Josh who groans as he takes away his hand. Tyler shifts around, coming closer and sitting up just a little bit so he can wrap his arms around him and pull him to his chest.

Josh cuddles closer like he desperately needs this. Tyler doesn't let him go.

They had cuddled before in the back of the van or in empty parking lots but this was so much different. Josh felt like he was unraveling here in Tyler’s arms.

Tyler tries to keep him together.

He strokes his hair, scratches lightly at the back of his neck. Josh whimpers and pushes closer. His fingers fumble at the bottom of Tyler’s shirt, barely dipping under to feel the warm skin of Tyler’s stomach.

Josh pushes into him like Tyler’s the only thing keeping him grounded.

“What's going on, Joshua?” Tyler’s fingers draw meaningless patterns on his temple, other hand rubbing at his shoulder as he's wrapped completely around him. “Talk to me.”

“‘M tired…” Josh says so pathetically that Tyler wants to cry. Josh sounds exhausted, broken.

Tyler does everything in his power to not fall to pieces at the thought of breaking Josh down all because he has a stupid dream to sing his insecurities to strangers.

“I know, Josh, I know.” Tyler blinks away the tears gathering in his eyes. “But we’re in an actual bed, we’re warm, we’re here together. We need to sleep; it'll make us feel better.”

Josh seems distressed at the proposal, his brows furrowing and lips ghosting around stuttered excuses.

“B-But, I-”

He looks scared, worried about the nightmares formed from all his anxieties just waiting for his guard to drop so they can descend upon him.

“Shh,” Tyler strokes the skin behind Josh’s ear with this thumb and hums into his hair. “You're safe here; I have you. You need to sleep, Josh. You _deserve_ to relax and get a good night's sleep.”

It goes quiet between them, nothing but the insistent rustling of the sheets as Josh slides his feet and tries to find a more comfortable position, soft mumbled apologies for being annoying and stupid escaping him every now and then.

Tyler assures him he is neither of those things but Josh doesn't believe him.

After five minutes of intense cuddling, the drummer is still restless and uncomfortable and anxious, and Tyler thinks if he could punch Josh’s anxiety in the face, he totally would.

He’s desperate to relieve Josh’s discomfort after a long and shitty week so without a thought, Tyler slips his hand under the back of Josh’s shirt and up his spine.

Josh immediately stills and moans lowly in relief against him.

Tyler takes it as a huge accomplishment that Josh’s whole body is finally beginning to go lax against him, falling into the feeling of fingers trailing lightly against the warm, freckled skin over the back of his ribs.

Josh is only quiet for a few minutes before he's murmuring something unintelligible, maybe to himself, but Tyler tries to listen to his slurred speech.

“What’s up?”

“Mm, I- I-” He’s broken off by a deep yawn. “I’m sorry for, for...this, I'm sorry-”

Tyler holds him closer in response, the hand still underneath his shirt rubbing comforting circles into his shoulders.

“Stop it. You have no reason to apologize. I like doing this.” Tyler smiles. “You're a good cuddler, dude. The best, actually.”

A sweet, bashful smile twitches onto Josh’s face as he nestles further into Tyler’s warm chest.

With every minute that passes, Josh begins to relax a little more. Tyler's touch guides him down from his heightened state of anxiety and into a state of deep relaxation.

Tyler uses a flat palm to caress his lower back, rubbing in a circular motion over his sore muscles. Josh keeps his eyes closed and exhales airy whimpers involuntarily at every touch.

He's so starved, wanting to indulge in more and more and more before he lets himself go to sleep. He needs to get his fill of touch before he takes care of the basic needs of his body because he doesn't know the next time he'll be touched like this.

Josh was a highly affectionate person and always heavily touch-oriented. The increasing lack of any kind of physicality, however, was starting to show in his anxious, quiet demeanor.

It was loneliness and alienation that brought him to sink into his own head. He simply wasn't feeling important or connected to anyone and Tyler was only now realizing it.

“You needed this, didn't you?” Tyler whispers into the dark strands of Josh’s hair as the very tips of his fingers stroke up and down his spine hypnotically. “Touch?”

Josh nestles closer to him with a soft whimper, drinking in the physical attention he so desperately needs.

Tyler tries not to cry.

“I'm sorry for being such a shitty friend, Josh,” Tyler whispers because he's sure if he talks any louder, his voice will crack. “I’ve just had so much on my mind that I forget you have a lot on your mind too. I'm so sorry.”

“‘s ‘right,” Josh slurs with an affectionate nuzzle against Tyler’s collarbone.

“No, it really isn't,” Tyler sighs. “Just...never be afraid to talk to me, okay? We have to be honest with each other. I care so much about you, Josh, and I want you to tell me about whatever’s on your mind whenever something is bothering you.”

Tyler inhales shakily. “I...I never want to see you like that again. _Zoned out_. Dude, that's fucked up. You're hurting and I don't want you to ever hurt. I care so so much about you.”

“I care so much about you too, Ty.”

Tyler looks down at him with tears in his eyes and is amazed at just how beautiful he looks like this.

Soft and sleepy with the lamp beside them lighting his face warmly. His cheek is pressed against Tyler’s chest and his eyes are closed and he's so close to falling asleep but it’s just those few shreds of anxiety that are keeping him barely awake.

“S’rry f’r bein’ a...a, burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Josh, you could never be a burden,” Tyler whispers as he strokes his hair and lightly massages his sweaty scalp. “You're valued. You're important. You're my best friend and I wouldn't go on this crazy, stupid, outrageous journey with anyone else.”

Josh’s bottom lip trembles as he nods against his best friend’s chest.

Tyler wants to kiss him right now.

He wants to hold him close and kiss him deeper than that shitty, quick kiss back in that gas station bathroom. Tyler wants to take away Josh’s every insecurity and anxious thought by sucking his bottom lip and licking behind his teeth.

Josh didn't deserve to be bombarded with these shitty feelings. He deserved to be loved and cherished and adored.

But Tyler keeps his feelings to himself because he can't risk not having Josh in his life anymore.

“I care so much for you, Josh. You're the world to me. You're more important than any of this.”

Josh gives a sleepy, high hum and a warm smile at those words and then he’s asleep. His breathing is already deeper than it has been the entire week.

He's calm, at peace.

They're in a motel room for the first time, in a warm bed in a state they can't remember on a tour that is bittersweet but none of that matters more than the boy asleep in his arms.

Josh is everything to Tyler and he's safe in his arms.

“Love you,” Tyler whispers as he strokes his finger down Josh’s cheek. “Love you so much.”

Tyler presses a gentle kiss against his forehead.

They have each other and that's all that really matters.

Josh smiles lightly in his sleep.


End file.
